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About Deviant メラニーFemale/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 11 Years
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i am
a whisper
the wind outside blowing
i am
a presence
the present
i am here
i am
a force
powerful and beautiful
i am me
:iconlittlemewkitty:LittleMewKitty 0 0
What You Can't See
What you can't see
Is the torment inside of me
A raging storm of discontent
Throwing my emotions into a torrent
The ups and downs
The highs and lows
Leave me broken
Wanting to escape
Why do I want to run away?
Run back to the pain
Allow my heart to ache
Why do I feel so afraid?
One moment so sure
Believing in what can be
The next doubting everything
Feelings of shame and guilt
What you can't see
Is the burden I bear
It is mine alone
I won't allow you carry it
Running away
and back again
The pain is too much
Yet the joy you give
Leaves me feeling light
What you can't see
Is how your loves cures me
And frightens me at the same time
The storm inside rages
Will I continue to fear?
Or will I embrace your love?
Will the storm subside?
I want to believe
:iconlittlemewkitty:LittleMewKitty 1 0
Lady Rainicorn by LittleMewKitty Lady Rainicorn :iconlittlemewkitty:LittleMewKitty 3 0
I am just a foolish girl
Longing for the past
Things that used to be
Fleeting memories
The promise of a dream
Is all I long for now
To be together with you
In a happy ending
Longing for your body next to mine
These thoughts I cannot allow
There and then gone
Fragments of a fantasy
Hopes of a dream
Are what I hold onto
For the one day
When we are together forever
Patience is a virtue
Learned through time
Forgive me when I'm afraid
Forgive me when I'm anxious
The truth is what sets me free
Love will find a way
Dreams become reality
When the time is right
:iconlittlemewkitty:LittleMewKitty 0 0
Inside of me
A love has died
No longer nourished
Yet I tend to its death
Holding onto it tight
Then your love comes
Like bright light that sustains me
Shining into the depths of my heart
Onto the love for you
Causing it to grow and take root
I let go of the death
And grasp onto the light
Letting your love shine inside me
Giving me strength
:iconlittlemewkitty:LittleMewKitty 1 0
Love that shines
You want to look into my eyes
So that you can see into my heart
But my heart is immersed in shadows
Tell me, will you be able to see it?
You are like a guiding light
Together hand in hand
We walk through the darkness
Love shining onto the most dark reaches
So, I will look into your eyes
And you can look back in mine
Letting love illuminate
:iconlittlemewkitty:LittleMewKitty 0 0
Day by day by day
What am I to do with this life
but accept it with arms wide open
I cannot see what the future holds
So I will live day by day by day
Where am I to begin to go
I need your light to guide me
I cannot see what is in front of me
My heart is consumed with fear
What am I to do with this life
but accept it with arms wide open
I cannot see what the future holds
So I will live day by day by day
Who else can I turn to
I give you my open hand
We will walk this life together
Step by step by step
What am I to do with this life
but accept it with arms wide open
I cannot see what the future holds
So I will live day by day by day
I am powerless to do this on my own
It is you who will pull me through
All I can do is walk ahead
Holding onto you
Step by step by step
and day by day by day
:iconlittlemewkitty:LittleMewKitty 1 0
You Save Me
Empty inside
A hollow shell
Emotions echo.
A heart
Heavy with sadness
Stops beating.
Reaching out
Of the darkness
For a lifesource.
You offer peace
to the broken heart
You are the light
shining in the dark.
When all hope seems dim
You are the glimmer at the end,
Your light shines bright,
You are the lifesource,
You fill me up.
Your love pours out,
When I am reaching out,
You offer your hand.
We will walk this road together,
You will never leave me.
You are the only one,
:iconlittlemewkitty:LittleMewKitty 2 0
Looking into blank eyes
that seem so detached
Where are you? Where are you?
Your body like a statue
Cold and lifeless
Where did you go? Where did you go?
Always walking ahead
Never looking back for me
Where are you going? Where are you going?
It is clear to me
That this reality
Was too much for you
Why did you want to leave it?
It is clear to me
You sold your soul
Not for love
But for your selfish desires.
Now that it is all lost
You want it all back
But the pain of it all
Is now mine to bear.
The time has come to accept our fate
Time to create something new
Erase all the pain
And embrace the future.
:iconlittlemewkitty:LittleMewKitty 2 3
Snow falls gently around me
It cools my soul and calms me
A tiny, wet kiss on my cheek
Now I am walking on the clouds
Fairies dance in shining white dresses
Peppermint and lavender surround
and overfill my body with joy.
:iconlittlemewkitty:LittleMewKitty 1 1
Sephy-love by LittleMewKitty Sephy-love :iconlittlemewkitty:LittleMewKitty 1 1 roses plus one by LittleMewKitty roses plus one :iconlittlemewkitty:LittleMewKitty 0 4 Isaberru and Meruru by LittleMewKitty Isaberru and Meruru :iconlittlemewkitty:LittleMewKitty 1 0 green by LittleMewKitty green :iconlittlemewkitty:LittleMewKitty 2 8 light by LittleMewKitty light :iconlittlemewkitty:LittleMewKitty 0 1 new deviant id by LittleMewKitty new deviant id :iconlittlemewkitty:LittleMewKitty 1 3

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Friend Envy

There’s more than one reason why it’s hard for me to build friendships. I’ve never had too many to start with, and I’ve been burned by a few as well. It was easier when we were younger. Even then I experienced some “friend envy”. Friend envy is when you get upset when a friend spends time with one of their other friends, it can also mean being envious of others’ friendships. Friend envy can be hard to deal with. I find it harder these days with the growing use of social media. Often people will post pictures of themselves having fun and I’ll think “I wish I could have fun like that” or “why wasn’t I invited to be a part of that”. Honestly, why wasn’t I invited? That can start a whole mess of negative thoughts. Some of these thought are about how boring I am or how my life sucks that I just can’t have any fun. When I really begin to investigate the reasons behind my difficulties, negative thinking has a lot to do with it. I think that I can’t relate to any one and that my life is boring. This is an old mindset for me. At one point, I think it was around my high school years, I began to believe that my problems were not as important as everyone else’s so why should I bother sharing them. Boy was I ever wrong. Things didn’t get better from there. But eventually I learned to share my thoughts and feelings. Now I find myself in this old pattern. And it is hard, boy is it ever hard. It’s an ongoing to process to evaluate myself and how I can relate to others. Because of these difficulties, I don’t always see the opportunities when they arise.

Back to the “friend envy”. The hardest part is that I want a relationship like that. I want to be so close to someone that we can call each other sister. Did I mention I don’t have any sisters? I was a middle child with two brothers, go figure. I have always earned for that kind of relationship and have never found it. Now I can think: “well I’m only 32 years old, there’s still time”, but then I see that picture of those two girls that are inseparable and all the pain comes rushing back. Is that what it is, pain? All the friends I used to have moved away and I no longer communicate with them. I don’t even know how to communicate with them anymore. It’s good when we get to see each other, but there’s no one I can call. I don’t really mind talking on the phone, but with the hustle and bustle of life who has the time? (more negative thinking). And what about the relationships that have burned me? I’ve had my fair share of those.  I can’t understand why these people would hurt me by deciding they no longer want to be friends. Who wants to go through that again? I miss the fun times. I miss hanging out and chit-chatting. I don’t mind listening, sometimes it’s hard to get a word in edgewise, or sometimes I just don’t have anything to say. But why don’t I have anything to say? Then there are the excuses… A never-ending cycle. At the end, I defeated and literally exhausted. And it hurts. Because I want to have friends, I want to confide in. I want people that I can call and talk through problems. I know I can’t rely on my husband for all of this. I don’t know what is wrong and I can go over all the reasons why but nothing changes. If I want things to change then I have to change. I realize that. I know I’m the one in control. I’ve rebuilt a wall around my heart and I just won’t let anyone close enough to see me as I am. I keep waiting for someone brave enough to wait it out and take down the layers a piece at a time. But I’m not sure that’s how these relationships I yearn for are made. No one ever showed me. I’m lost. Navigating these waters without any sense of direction and in the midst of a terrible storm. I’m constantly moving water outside of my ship while trying to reach the shore. 

  • Listening to: a fan
  • Reading: Redeeming Love
  • Watching: Daredevil ^-^
  • Playing: Pokemon TCG Online and FFVIII


United States
Current Residence: Detroit, Michigan, USA
Favourite genre of music: electronic / trance
Favourite photographer: ~Shes-All-Smiles
Favourite style of art: surreal
Wallpaper of choice: Hello Kitty
Favourite cartoon character: Sailor Mercury
Personal Quote: today is a perfect day to spread your wings and fly


Add a Comment:
Wonderglass Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2012   Photographer
Thanks for the favs and the watch :dance:!!!
zenzero541 Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2012  Student Writer
Hey please check out and join my group here is a [link]

It is for poetry, song writers, and fun. :fingerscrossed:
Shes-All-Smiles Featured By Owner May 3, 2012  Professional Photographer
Thanks for the watch! <3
RiONX Featured By Owner Jul 3, 2011
Thanks much for the fav :dance:!!!
KoGaNya Featured By Owner Sep 17, 2009  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
thanks for the :+fav:
QueenBeePlush Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2009  Professional Artisan Crafter
Thank you for the :+devwatch:
Azhunt Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2008
Come see my art work. Only two people only that allready watch my art work


Im not that popular

otakuayachan Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2008  Hobbyist General Artist
geez,thx alot for the watch ^^
eminine Featured By Owner Jul 20, 2008

Thank you for watching me ^_^
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